First day back to work after 11 days off. I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed this past vacation. We had nothing major planned. Dinner with some friends on the back deck, fireworks at the lake, my "joint" class (not the kind of joint you are imagining,) a show at Lakewood, a visit from Gavin and Jen, a day in the pool with 3/4ths of the grandchildren...all in all, just a wonderful time away from work. Mentally, I am preparing myself for my upcoming surgery. This is the most serious surgery I have ever had. Total knee replacement. I will NOT watch a video, describing the process, as I am sure it would not help me mentally. Physically, I know I need to have it done. Mentally, I know I will be better after it is done, yes, it will take a while, but it will be better. I cannot imagine a day with out pain. For over seven years, I have had pain, every day, almost every step. It's time to change that. I know I will probably never water ski, or downhill ski again, but just to walk with out pain, and maybe do some trails would be so wonderful. There is a lot more out west that I would like to see.
I have a hard time unwinding. Not doing anything, or doing things that are fun, like knitting, and swimming. All my childhood, I was not allowed to have "down time" until everything else was taken care of. With Kenny retired, and taking care of most of the other stuff, I truly have down time. Or at least, I try to have it. I am trying to prepare myself for 12 weeks of recuperation, or down time, and not be bored, or idle, or grumpy. There are so many things that I have put on my list of things to do while I am not working. I know I can't just jump in the car and take off for a fun destination. I will have PT and exercises, and appointments to take up some of the time. I will be spent just getting showered and dressed, and downstairs. Wow, the NEED column will be full and the FUN column will be bleak. Oh well, another year and it will be totally different.
I am realizing that I have less and less control over so many things, and that is OK. What I need to control right now, is my well being- the things that are important to make ME better. I have to let go of things that I cannot and do not control. My destiny is determined by my choices, and my decisions. I want to make my life the best it can be, and I need to start with me.
Today, when I got home from work, the first thing I did was put on my swimsuit. There isn't much that makes me happier than being in the water. It's good for my knees, it's good for my mind, and it's good for a heat wave. I love this kind of weather. It doesn't last long, and with a pool, it's wonderful. A perfect day is when I can wear my swim suit all day long, and cook on the grill. Let's hope for many perfect days ahead.
